By Muggy Warima.
February is mostly as regarded as the month of romantic love because of the famous St Valentine’s Day marked on February 14th. In the spirit of this month, I dedicate my first post to our love issues. Yes, you read right, today we will talk about what Diamond Platnumz calls ‘kiherehere cha moyo.’ Hehe believe it or not, I know a thing or two about passionate affection from having broken a few hearts and getting blocked on all social media platforms to almost choking from the pain of my broken heart. I know some characters are squirming in their seats waiting to hear what I have to say considering the fact that I have been constantly told that I have a heart of stone. Grab a cup of coffee and buckle up as I steer you down this roller coaster.
Ladies can relate with me in this. There is this kind of an unexplainable feeling that you get when you begin to like someone. It is raw, pushy and impatient. You want to spend every blinking moment with them and gaze into their eyes. You would like to hear them declare their undying love for you every second you exist on this earth. When you catch them stealing glances at you, all forms of creative imagination start filling your head. If you are lucky enough that the feeling is mutual, the day he finally asks you out is the best day of your life. Leave alone these philosophers that said a wedding is the best day of a woman’s life, they were wrong. Who would not want to relive the day their crush battled all their fears and poured out their hearts to them? The day he said, without you, his life was meaningless and pointless? If you claim you would not, you are just a hypocrite like all these politicians asking Kenyans to register as voters and are even willing to give fare to ferry you from Nairobi to Shaggz but cannot use the same money to assist the underprivileged sick Kenyans to access medical services. Wakenya tuache unafiki lakini.
Actually, there is this particular song that makes me disregard upholding a socially acceptable conduct. When I hear it, I sing the lyrics with my bad croaky voice, irrespective of where I am because it always reminds me of an extremely happy place at some point in my life. I know all ladies do have that song(s). Can I get an Amen??? There we go, now I am sure we are totally reading from the same page of the book known as ‘My lovelife.’
Soon after, a relationship begins. It feels so good that you want to do everything right. Sometimes you even asked God what you did to deserve such a god of a man in your life. He could have had absolutely any woman he wanted but he just chose you. You want to dedicate your relationship to Him because of this unfathomable blessing in your life. Things are great at first, he is the gentleman you imagined him to be in all your fantasies. He opens doors for you, pulls your chairs, helps you wear your coats sometimes even earrings and always calls to ask you whether you have arrived home safely or if you have carried a sweater with you in case it gets cold or if you have had a meal. Heck some even come with a hot water bottle to massage your tummy when your cramps are murdering you. What else could you wish for in this life? Slowly you start building your life around him. Everything you do starts revolving around him, you suddenly cannot make any weekend plans with your friends because he will probably want to see you over the same weekend. You cancel that girls’ day out last minute because his friend has a ruracio and he cannot go without you yet he had not told you of the event despite knowing about it for ages. Suddenly your life becomes a segment of his without you realizing it.
After a few months of agonizing over suspicions of him cheating, you confirm that he has been going behind your back with Naomi from work. Worse still, he calls you to talk and spits that bullshit of ‘it is not you, it is me, oh you deserve better…. blah blah’ (Seriously gentlemen, this is the worst breakup line, it is shady and hypocritical. What makes you think I do not know I deserve someone better than a coward like you, yet I still stuck with you the entire time) Other malicious ones will ghost on you, totally disappearing from the face of the earth. However, the most shocking is those that have lived with you for years and suddenly not only walk out but invite you to their weddings with other women three months down the line. Come on men, these things are simple, stop complicating them. Be honest with me when we are breaking up. A romantic relationship is a democratic institution; you cannot pressure someone into being in one if they do not feel the same. I will probably be so furious, cry a river about it, blow your phones with messages and calls then I will hate you for causing me pain before I finally land into a zone of not giving a damn about you. Those are the basic stages of grief after a break up for any sane woman. This does not seem like World War III to me. And honestly, it is such a small price for you to pay for being the ultimate jerk-ass.
For those who are in love, remember that you have your own life. Build your own brand. Do not neglect who you are for who you are when you are with him. As you go through that heartbreak which I know hurts like hell, do not lose yourself. It is crucial for your edges to be sharpened so that you can be more effective in writing your fate. Do not allow anyone to steal your identity. However, good-looking, smart, muscular or wealthy he is/was, you are still the bomb. He did you no favour by dating you. You are worth so much on your own. So do not refrain from that big career move because of him, do not quit your job and move to a new country because that is what he would want. Do everything for you, in the end you will be so happy you did it for yourself and this you can take to the bank. After all there are some who will be shameless enough to ask you if they ever asked you to make any of those sacrifices you are contemplating.
Love is a very beautiful thing. Loving someone unconditionally is a selfless gesture, being loved in return is pure bliss. However, “Do not let what he wants eclipse what you need. He is very dreamy but he is not the sun, you are!!!” (Dr. Cristina Yang)
Hey, talk to Muggy through: email@example.com