18 Sep The meanness of “I want a baby”
The meanness of “I want a baby”
By Gabriel Dinda
I see a number of my friends dating and once in a while, I hear some statements that make me think twice. Recently, I heard a gentleman tell his girlfriend, “I want a baby”. I was a bit surprised that the girlfriend only giggled, probably communicating that it wasn’t a bad idea after all. I couldn’t help but think more of this sad state of affair. Not long ago, I heard of a story where a lady was narrating how together with her boyfriend, they decided to “have a baby”. Soon after, the boyfriend started behaving weirdly and before long, they broke up. The lady has now remained a bitter person, talking ill of all men as trash. The baby’s future now remains in limbo, since he finds himself trapped between complex emotions from those who should love him. It is on this basis that I feel compelled to write what I think I must; the truth as I see it from my eyes.
- Follow the due process
When you are dating, there is always an illusion that nothing bad will happen. Many people don’t think that there is any possibility other than living together with the person they love. With this trust, they decide to do, what should ideally not be done; move in(always secretly), and start living like husband and wife. Sooner or later, this relationship results in a baby under unclear circumstances. My proposition is simple; follow the due process. If you love someone so much, and you feel you have a future together, introduce the person to your family, do all that you are required to do according to your culture and marry procedurally. Once that is done, live like a married couple, do all that is due to you. Coming up with “modern” forms of “wanting a baby” without any due process is in my view a bit mean. Following the due process may not guarantee success of anything 100%, but life has no such guarantees. It helps us reduce some issues we can avoid. Some of these problems that we are now faced with, can easily be solved by just doing the right thing. Do it and stop this nonsense of “I want a baby” and skipping the process.
- There was a reason why wedding is preferred
I have seen many people marry “secretly” for different reasons. This is where you fall in love with a person and sooner or later slide to their house and boom! You are married. No one in your family knows about your spouse. No one is involved whatsoever. Sooner or later, in some cases, the problems start and even your closest family members can’t help. No one understands the history of your “relationship”, no one understands your spouse. No one understands anything. Yet, your problem affects those around you. My suggestion is simple; once you love someone and you think the two of you can commit to each other for life, why not do a wedding (or whatever your culture dictates) and make it public and commit. This increases our social accountability. We are weaker than we think, especially when it comes to matters emotions. We all need society to shape us, because it provided us with the place to grow in the first place. There is a reason why before a constitution is adopted by any country, a promulgation (public pronouncement) is done. We need a bit of this, in whichever form our reason allows
- It is all about commitment
I have seen many people succeed in very unique businesses. You could find someone starting something so “little,” but with commitment and working on it daily, they soon succeed. I think the same applies to relationships and marriages. Many people expect perfect partners, almost flawless. They forget that for something to be flawless, they must have been worked on by someone. We are all afraid to work on ourselves and those close to us to “get them to levels we wish for”. We always, only want “ready-made”. It appears to me that commitment wins it all. If one is truly committed to their relationship (better if both are), they form a formidable force that can almost penetrate through anything. This is what life is asking of us. Many people are not ready to provide it, but many people succeed in providing it. This is an invitation to commit, in all you do, but especially in relationships.
May we always remember that the children deserve to be raised in a stable family environment, where they can learn all they need to face the world. May we always remember that more than us, we belong to a part of a larger society and we are definitely way weaker than we think.