The Remarkable Wife
By Pricilla Kona
The divine standard
Why do Kenyan men prefer Ugandan women?
“They are as different as a drop of honey and a twist of lemon,” he confessed swiftly . Indeed a spot check along the Kenya-Uganda border reveals a startling pattern ; ‘mixed’ marriages. The amicable Ugandan woman is known to be rotund and submissive . And the Kenyan one is considered to be ‘a bit too aggressive’.
Pastors wife? Separated? My jaw dropped . She appeared dazed, afraid, confused, and undecided. Her mistake? Succumbing to infidelity, and a compliant church. Are women now losing the plot?
What next for her? Her spouse will certainly move on. What of her children and her, stripped of benefits like social and financial security? Will they not become socially maladjusted , stigma prone , financially insecure…?
Marriage is a close relationship of love, companionship and sex. Its success depends on shared values, attitudes, beliefs, commitment and communication among others . But the depressing tide of divorces and separations today speak the threat of familial collapse.
In the good old days, mostly in African settings, the husband was the undisputed head of the home with several obedient wives each at his service. Divorce was unheard of because community chose wife for husband and vice versa . A truly communal affair.
But how many women today understand this? That the way to a man’s heart is through his ‘stomach’? Stomach, his deepest desire for sex, akin to the pressing urge to pass steam? Stomach , his deepest desire for respect, validation , support… And today, only 10% of the population is said to be happily married ,the rest belong to a new found, bizarre marital status ; separated -yet – living- under –one- roof.
Male and female of the species, who really is causing the trouble in paradise?
Female- the divine standard
According to the Bible, the cultured woman of virtue is rare and priceless and like a ruby, not easy to find. She espouses good principles and is resolute even in the changing marital winds.
The 12 qualities of the Proverb 31 woman.
- Her husband trusts in her.
See, he trusts in her ability to satisfy his deepest natural desire for her. That she has the capacity to feed his craving and he will not be left to his own devices, scraping abroad, to his detriment.
‘‘Tonight is the night!’’ many are the men who daily call out for attention, only to sleep hungry, beaten, revengeful, their happy meter dipped. Their mistake? Ignorant , godless wives? The marriage bed is, arguably ,the spring of all marital discord, no?
2 She does him good all the days of his life. That is her business, paramount to all else. She therefore knows / understands his mind – who he is, what he wants and how he wants it done. She accommodates herself to it and is willing to be ruled by him. Why, he is the undisputed head because in the divine order, he knows it all . Eve wept.
He trusts in her ability to speak and act well without causing damage. That she will also take his counsels as given and use this for their family’s best interests.
He trusts in her ability to run the family when he is abroad. To not let in ‘hounds’ who may betray his trust; the myriad marauding friends.Eve lost.
She is also able to accommodate herself to his temper and avoids any damage to his person, family and estate , and for this he respects and cherishes her, his helpmate.
Her battles are fought on her knees, and her pain is her road to growth. Her unwavering faith,
How many women complain themselves hoarse when in problems, sucking all and sundry into the attendant vortex?
Do you want to hear this? And in the midst of her storm, ( infidelity?) still the godly woman radiates hope on her sleeve, submission her middle name.
Submission? It is an open secret , the critical secret that have driven many a man from the jaws of ‘beijing’ wife, much to her chagrin into the arms of the illiterate woman.
Many of them will bottle things up, their family to forever live under uncertainty. Under duress, the godless one will draw battle lines with spouse , their children gasping for breath . Any wonder that men are confuting their shoulders at present day’s ‘beijing’ woman notwithstanding her beauty and brain? Rottenness in his bone.
3 She seeketh wool and flax indicating discretion, quality service ,diligence and industry as her hallmarks. Her husband sees this and esteems her. She works as much as she possibly can, with every fiber of her body, with delight for her family and also her Maker. For business , she considers only what is advantageous and profitable to her family, and weighs every option. She saves for the future and has enough to spare. Therefore her family is secure for the future. There are no poor investments here and no wastage either.
Yet how many wives/ mothers today are lost at sea, wasteful, without priority, later to spend time in the family courts of need .? Families to forever reel under the weight of their indiscretion? How many?
4 .She girds her loins with strength. She is the weaker vessel yet made strong in God’s wisdom and grace and hence is unshaken by winds and clouds of change. She cherishes her wisdom in disaster management and clothes her family in like manner; remarkable qualities. Plus she dresses herself decently, not skimpily. And her stress coping abilities are unrivaled, Courageous, unbowed yet submissive, the Ugandan woman! A living sacrifice, holy and acceptable.
You have seen them, the Bible ‘Women of Jerusalem’, donning grotesque weaves, miniskirts, very high heels, their nails and lips painted scarlet.
Not an act of God.
5 .Her husband is known in the gates. She adds to his reputation- her husband is respected and well known and it shows in;
- his wise counsels ,
- prudent management of his affairs ,
- decency and
- happy conversation.
Hall marks of an agreeable wife at home.
Maybe you are a godless wife, snapping your fingers at your husband in public?
And surely he will become publicity shy, duly turned into a minion, by you no less, the mother of his children!
6 . She rises also when it is yet night. Early riser she is, to plan and cater alas! for family needs ; food , cloth, education, shelter, and husband.
And she does not eat the bread of idleness, this Time Manageress. She considers that whoever does not work should not eat . And also that idle minds are the devil’s workshop. And so she chooses only like-minded friends of valor and will not suffer idlers to waste her time, avoiding these like the plague.
Today many cry, under their Pastors’ loving arms of reprove. They once had everything going; a responsible husband, secure children and a home to call their own. Then they succumbed to today’s time guzzler; the smartphone. The rest is a story of how it is much easier to walk on water than redeem an already polygamous marriage.
7 .She looks well to the ways of her household.
She manages well her family affairs; labor division, conflict resolution etc and ensures every famly member counts in decision making. And then like a hawk, she hovers over her family, setting standards/ boundaries, supervising , delegating to keep all family systems running gladly. Her desired goal, a winning family team.
8 .She stretches out her hand to the poor.
In her heart is the law of kindness to the needy and the poor . From her own hand, she gives cheerfully, helping here and there, as best she can, later to also reap bountifully . Her reward.
Many (rich) people hoard goods; food ,clothes, land, and money and remain tight fisted , oblivious to the acute need of the poor ,the orphan and the disabled. Can a tight fisted person receive any blessing, how?
9 .She opens her mouth with wisdom, dispensing kind words from a heart of love and knowledge. Every word is measured , and with purpose and those who hear respect and comply.
The godless women are known to cut their husbands/ others to size with a war of words, like a cold constant drip, till their men shelter away, with consequences painful until tomorrow?
10 .She fears God, her love for God and man governed by a principle of conscience and regard to God. She commits no sin in disregard to God’s counsels. Sin. The myriad omissions and commissions on her part, contrary to family obligation.
Not all wives are faithful; some have been heard to commit adultery behind their husbands back, raising family eyebrows, and bringing shame and ridicule to the family. Their husbands can never walk tall again; forever jettisoned from the men’s hall of fame.
11 .She is beautiful of heart
A pure, refined, heart of love. Beneath her ordinary looks is lodged a beautiful, loving soul . Inner beauty ,cherished by God.
Is there wisdom and goodness in physical beauty? Can it recommend anyone to God? Surely it will fade in sickness, accident, age…!
12. Give her the fruit of her hand.
To her family are promises of greatness; blessing to family , children ,husband ,in- laws and lineage . An excellent wife ! Later to age gracefully, happy to have lived well, praised forever by her own works that is visible even to the Martians.
Her children are respectful and dutiful in return; a blessed generation. Their existence a stroll in the glades because heaven will take interest.
Have you seen them, children of the peevish , corrupt woman?
Many reap from her woeful ways , striving to live, hapless victim of her woeful ways/ mixed priorities.
Here is the deal. Marriage is a lifetime investment. Every success in proportion to the wisdom of our choices. And the family tie is sacred, unworthy to be broken.
What sort of a woman then should a man choose?
Submissive and kind or attractive and with excellent physical endowements ?
What sort of man should a woman choose? Wise? Responsible ? Tall? Dark? Famous?
Does not the success or failure of a person depend on his or her choice of spouse and the kind of children there-of ?
Who wouldn’t want this; a happy blessed family/ generation?
Who is like the virtuous woman?